DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son recently married a woman who has an 18-year-old disabled daughter, "Lauren." The girl's mental level is between that of a 2- and 4-year-old. There have been physical confrontations between my new daughter-in-law and her disabled daughter, which are becoming more frequent now that they all live together. Our daughter-in-law refuses to pursue facilities for Lauren, saying she is waiting for her to be transitioned into a group home.
Lauren is currently in a day program, which doesn't seem to be helping her. She has definite behavioral issues and has been put on a higher level of meds that haven't helped.
My concern is, my son and his wife now have a 6-month-old son. Our son loves his wife and thought he could handle the challenges that come with living with Lauren. He now says he thinks it is best to end the marriage, but he's uncomfortable about giving an ultimatum to his wife. Any advice for him is appreciated. -- MOM ON THE SIDELINES
DEAR MOM: I appreciate your concern for the well-being of your son, but if you are smart, you will remain supportively on the sidelines and not insert yourself into this sensitive situation. If your son feels so pressured he's considering ending his marriage, he should be telling his wife about it.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 31-year-old waitress and proud atheist. I'm one of the least judgmental people I know. Who other people love, or how they choose to worship isn't important to me.
I have a regular customer who comes in to the restaurant about twice a month. He's a pastor and one of the nicest guys I think I've ever met. He'll often bring along people from his congregation and buy them dinner.
The problem is, every time he comes in, he tries to get me to come to his church. It's sometimes an hourlong conversation. At first I was polite about it and just said no thank you. Recently it reached the point where I said firmly, "I don't need your church."
I don't know what to do anymore. I wouldn't feel right kicking him out of the restaurant. Is there a middle ground? -- NONBELIEVER IN GEORGIA
DEAR NONBELIEVER: The pastor may be an evangelical, who feels that it is his duty to "spread the word." The middle ground, since he seems unable to accept your polite refusals, is to have another waitress serve him instead of you, if that's possible.