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Dear Abby

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a wonderful guy. He is very sweet, and I'm beyond thankful for him. I wouldn't trade him for the world. But he has a character flaw that's hard to ignore. When he gets frustrated, he screams out loud and takes a while to get himself together.

When he lost his phone on a plane and was angry for hours, he pouted and scowled like the world had just ended. I have a very easygoing personality, and I don't understand this type of behavior.

When I talked to him about his anger, he said sometimes people get frustrated and show emotions. What should I do or say the next time we encounter a mishap and he becomes angry? -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR WONDERING: Your fiance may be a perfectionist or even have a touch of OCD, which is why he is so hard on himself when he makes a mistake and becomes frustrated. For his own sake (and yours), he needs to find a better way of venting his emotions.

While anger is something everyone experiences at one time or another, most people start learning to control it during childhood. While pouting and scowling are acceptable, your fiance "screaming" over losing his cellphone seems over the top. My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How To Deal With It" contains suggestions for managing and constructively channeling anger in various situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Your fiance needs to learn to channel his emotions more constructively because if he doesn't, it may eventually drive others away.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend and co-worker who likes to play with my hair, rub my back and put her hands on me in general. I am not a touchy-feely kind of person with ANYONE, and it makes me very uncomfortable when she does this. Is there a polite way of telling her to stop without making her feel uncomfortable or hurting her feelings? I'm not a "beat around the bush" kind of person, and I sometimes lack the tact of putting things nicely. -- NO TOUCHY-FEELY

DEAR NO TOUCHY-FEELY: To express your feelings would not be lacking in tact; it would be setting a boundary. Try this: "I like you very much, and I know the feelings are mutual, but I do not like to be touched, and I want you to stop doing it."

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