Dear Abby
DEAR ABBY: Sometimes when my husband, "Tom," drinks he becomes volatile. A month ago, after being out drinking, he came home very late. I made a joke that upset him and he started yelling and calling me names. I have learned that when Tom gets like that, it's best to just agree with him.
On that occasion, it didn't work, and he began breaking things. Our teenage son "Eric" was so scared he called the police. When the police arrived they told my husband who had placed the call and interviewed each of us separately. After they left, Tom called Eric ugly names, told him he was done with him and hasn't spoken to him since. If they are in the same room, my husband won't look at him or talk to him.
I don't know how to fix this. I worry about how this will affect Eric. He tries to avoid his dad now and goes to his room when he hears his dad come home. -- BAD BEHAVIOR IN TEXAS
DEAR BAD BEHAVIOR: Your husband may blame his abusive outbursts on his drinking, but as you can see, he's well aware of what he did after he sobers up. Eric was right to call the police because, after "breaking things," his father could have gone after you.
This unfortunate situation will not improve until Tom faces the fact that he's a problem drinker, swears off the sauce and gets help. By not insisting upon it, you have cast yourself in the role of his enabler. For your sake and Eric's, draw the line. (The healthiest person in your household appears to be your son.)
Talk to Eric. Let him know he did nothing wrong. There are programs for families of alcoholics that can be accessed by visiting al-anon.org/info. Attending Al-Anon meetings would be beneficial for you and Eric, regardless of what your husband decides about drying out.
In an interview with GQ magazine, the Canadian musician admitted he had used alcohol and hard drugs as coping mechanisms for many years.
DEAR ABBY: Recently, family members have started texting to inform me about personal, private matters. When they do, I text back, which sometimes leads to lengthy paragraphs. I wish they'd just call me! I'm beginning to wonder if that's what they are avoiding. I should add that I am not feuding with my family. Am I wrong? -- PERPLEXED IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR PERPLEXED: No, you are not wrong. People have become so enamored of their electronic devices they seem to have forgotten that sometimes it's more efficient to just TALK to the other party. I know from personal experience that emailing and texting can take far more time than a spoken conversation.
