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Dear Abby: Fiance's lady friendships pose big problem for his intended

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Dear Abby

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Peter," has a number of female friends I'm not comfortable with, primarily because they are women he "had" interest in before we started dating. He says he has told them he's taken now and they can't be more than friends, but I don't think they got the message. He recently told me one of them told him a guy had proposed to her but she's delaying accepting in case Peter becomes available. This is the second time something like this has happened.

I believe it's because of the way he relates to these girls. If he has really made clear in words and actions that he's not interested in them romantically, they wouldn't base their life decisions on the hope that they may still have a chance with him.

Peter may tell me these things because he wants me to know lots of women are willing to have him. But I'm confused at this point about whether he's truly committed to me. Could it be he just likes "talking" to women even though it leads them on? And is this behavior healthy for a future marriage? -- SECOND THOUGHTS

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You are asking intelligent questions. Unfortunately, not knowing your fiance, I can't answer them. I can, however, offer this: When couples become serious, they stop playing games. If your fiance thinks that causing you to feel jealous or insecure at this point is constructive, he is making a mistake because it won't stop after the wedding. Peter appears to be immature, and that's a red flag. Premarital counseling may help to clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me figure out whether I've made a major mistake. I've been dating this man, "Frank," for six months. He has another woman in his life that he told me he's only a caregiver for, but then I learned he has been taking her to the lake and out to dinner.

After that, I found out she used to be a prostitute and lived with him for a few weeks and that he has been offered sex by her. He went into a panic when she was in the hospital and he didn't know where she was. He swears up and down that it's me he loves, not her. Help, please. -- COMPETING IN GEORGIA

DEAR COMPETING: Do some digging. Who is the source of the information you are being given? Is that person a reliable source, or could there be an ulterior motive? For a caregiver to "go into a panic" if his patient disappears would not be unusual.

And, while it's possible that he is driving to the lake and going out to dinner in his role as a caregiver, if the person paying the tab is him, then it's a date, and he hasn't been truthful with you. I would be interested in what you find out. Please write back and let me know.


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