Carpenter's Column: Light-bulb joke assembly instructions

Carpenter's Column: Light-bulb joke assembly instructions

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Thank you for purchasing the Millennial Edition of the Acme Light-Bulb Joke Kit. We think it is the best light-bulb joke product of its kind in the world. When fully assembled, you will possess six outstanding light-bulb jokes guaranteed to amuse and entertain friends and co-workers.

For your safety, and to insure the quality of our product, please read these instructions thoroughly before attempting assembly. Any modification of the enclosed materials shall void all warranties.

Step One: Remove all parts from the carton and separate them by part number as indicated on the parts list below. If parts are missing, please contact our Customer Service Department toll free at 1-800-555-5555.

Parts List

  • Light Bulb, 6
  • Joke Frame, 6
  • Chiropractor, 1
  • Surrealist, 2
  • Telemarketer, 1
  • Irishman, 15
  • Grad Student, 1
  • Bluegrass Musician, 4
  • Allen Wrench, 1
  • Punch Line, 7 (1 spare provided):

“One. But it takes three visits.”;

“Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.”;

“One. But they have to do it while you’re eating dinner.”;

“Fifteen. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey until the room spins.”;

“One. But it takes ten years.”;

“Four. One to change it and three to complain that its electric.”;

“One. But only if the light bulb wants to change.”

Step Two: Place Joke Frame (Part #A-12) on a firm, flat surface. Being careful not to cross thread, insert one light bulb setup gag in light bulb syntax receptacle on joke frame (Part #A-22) as shown in diagram in Appendix E.

“How many [insert gag setup here] does it take to change a [insert light bulb here]?”

Step Three: Align tabs and slots. Using the Allen wrench provided, attach the Chiropractors (Part #F-3) to the joke frame (Part #C-2) in the syntax slot provided (See below).


“How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Step Four: Attach punch line (Part #C-1). to end of joke frame. IMPORTANT NOTE FOR STEP FOUR: DO NOT TIGHTEN SCREWS FULLY AT THIS TIME.

Step Five: Assemble all lightbulb jokes following procedures outlined above.

Step Six: Fully tighten all screws.

From all of us at the Acme Light-bulb Joke Company, we hope your friends enjoy your witty repertoire as much as we do.


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