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Welcome to the Biloxi School of Bartending family. You will do well to remember:

If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.—Abbott’s First Admonition

Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.—Green’s Law of Debate

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.—Tussman’s Law

If you don’t need it and don’t want it, you can have tons of it.—Murphy’s Law of Supply

Everyone is always someplace else.—Amand’s Law of Management

If you file it, you’ll know where it is, but never need it. If you don’t file it, you’ll need it and never know where it is.—Tillis’s Organizational Principle

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.—Nixon’s Rule

Never make a decision that you can get someone else to make.—Pfiefer’s Principle

About one-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.—Kennedy’s Law

When you don’t know what you are doing, please do it neatly.—First Rule of the Lab

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.—Hanlon’s Razor

Make it sufficiently difficult for people to do something, and most people will stop doing it.—No. 3 Pencil Principle

If you can be off by one, you will be. Doyle’s Law of Ones

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.—Peter’s Observation

Doing it the hard way is always easier.—Paradoxical Law

Badness comes in waves.—Snafu Equation VI

No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.—Murphy’s Fifth Corollary

Nothing is ever done for the right reason.—O’Brien’s Rule

Adding staff to a late software project makes it later.—Brooks’s Law

It goes in — it must come out.—Teslacles’s Deviant to Fudds’ Law

You get the most of what you need the least.—Law of Gifts

If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.—Murphy’s Fifth Law

Two wrongs are only the beginning.—Kohn’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law

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If you’re coasting, you’re going down hill.—Person’s law

When you can’t discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you wll get will be for things you’ve already checked.—Kibitzer’s Constant

If it works, don’t fix it.—First Rule of Rural Mechanics

When eating an elephant, take one bit at a time.—Abrams’ Advice

A committee is the only life form with twelve stomachs and no brain.—Kirby’s Comment on Committees

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.—Preston’s Axiom

Government expands to absorb income, and then some.—Wiker’s law

You can always hit what you don’t aim at.—Dumb Luck Rule

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.—Third Law of Survival

All great discoveries are made by mistake. Corollary: the greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.—Young’s Law

Murphy’s Laws was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man with the same name.—Law of Murphy’s Law

You have taken yourself too seriously.—Fifth Rule


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