DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws. He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor, but he ignores me and takes me for granted, personally, emotionally and sexually. He'd rather watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch.
He looks at pornography online, and I catch him often. Even if he's busy at work, he finds time for everybody but me. He always has excuses.
Since I married him, I have supported him and have gone the extra mile in all aspects -- his work, church activities. I have waited on him and made sure all his needs were met. Now I have reached the end of the line, and I want to leave. But if I do, people who know him will make me the villain.
Although we still live under one roof for financial reasons, now I separate myself from him, look after him less and sleep in another room with my dog. Please, Abby, give me your views. -- DONE WITH IT IN MAINE
DEAR DONE: It appears your husband has already checked out of this marriage-in-name-only. Stop being afraid of being labelled a villain and offer your husband the option of couples counseling to see if the two of you can reconnect. Take into consideration that there may be more involved than you are aware of (ED problems, another woman). If your husband refuses, and you haven't already done so, confide what has been happening in two or three close female friends. They can then spread the word that there is more than one side to the story. Then talk to an attorney.
DEAR ABBY: I have stayed in contact with my college friends, but sad to say, many of my fellow students are now gone for good. I went to a reunion and met classmates I was close to back in the 1960s. How circumstances and personalities have changed.
Do you believe that once a person makes a move, either out of school or a job, that it's all over? You can't go back and relive old times, and if you return to the community, it isn't the same as if you never left? -- SENTIMENTAL IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Time marches on, and people often grow and change as they mature. Some -- not all -- people maintain childhood and college friendships into their senior years. But geographical distance can cause those ties to loosen. Although we can't relive the old times, we CAN reminisce. But as the old saying goes, we can't go home again.
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