I started writing movie reviews for Flag Live! back in 2003. I believe my first review was for Igby Goes Down. Who can forget Kieran Culkin in writer/director Burr Steers’ early-aughts edgy indie? Actually, I had pretty much forgotten it, but for me it marked the beginning of a 15-year stint with this wonderful entertainment weekly. I became Movies Editor later that year, and the following decade and a half since has been a fun side-job that saw the death of Movies at the Mall, the birth of Netflix streaming and the (sometimes forced) viewing of a whole bunch of films and TV show. Through it all, the real joy has been working with the great folks at Flag Live!--the editors, fellow writers, layout artists, graphic designers, publishers and everyone else who makes the job easy and fun. Above all, I had a great crew of critics, and in this touching send-off, they imagine my biopic. Thanks, you guys!
In addition to being an intelligent writer/editor Dan is a funny, funny man. I'd like to see his biopic as a reboot of Shattered Glass (2003), based on the true story of a journalist who lied to advance his career. But this time, it's an astute, though very confused, film reviewer who lies about his own opinions of films. Flying too close to the sun, Stoffel is caught fabricating an interview with Lars Von Trier after he describes the Dane as "happy-go-lucky" and "totally sane." Stoffel is played by, you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
It’s been a great run, and if we’re sending you off into the world of cinema, you gotta think big. I’m talking about a franchise. Local movie reviewer Danny Spleen, aptly portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland, receives a magical letter that changes his life when he is whisked away to a faraway land where he fights the evil forces of shoddy filmmakers. There will be Danny Spleen and the Chamber of Reboots, Danny Spleen and the Unnecessary Plot Twist, Danny Spleen and the Half-Assed Prints… it will be epic!
After dealing with Dan’s “sense of humor,” I see a biopic called It’s Always Punny in Flagstaff. In this action-packed film, Vanilla Ice, in an attempt to get his film career going before it’s too late, is cast as Dan Stoffel, a mild-mannered film reviewer by day and daring crime fighter at night--as long as he gets to bed at a decent time. As Stoffel, Mr. Ice comes up with the perfect smart-alecky pun for every dramatic encounter with bad guys right before kicking bad-guy ass. What pun!