DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is celebrating her 50th birthday next month. Her husband, "Ben," is throwing her a surprise party at a restaurant. We know because he has asked us to watch and feed the grandkids, who are in their teens.

We have been taking care of the grandkids since they were born and have them anywhere from two to seven days a week, sometimes 24 hours a day, when their parents want a vacation without them. Over the years we have chauffeured them to doctor appointments, hair appointments, to and from school, sports functions, etc.

Ben says he wants to make the party for adults only. I have mixed feelings about it. I feel left out because, after all, she is our daughter. Am I wrong? My husband doesn't care one way or another. -- LEFT OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Considering that you have stepped up to the plate every time your daughter and son-in-law have needed your help, I think your feelings are valid. You and your husband should have been included in the fun.

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DEAR ABBY: Why do married couples exclude single people? I have been friends with these people since long after I was divorced. But sometimes when they get together, they leave out their single friends. We are not a threat to their relationships. Is there a reason for this? -- EXCLUDED IN THE EAST

DEAR EXCLUDED: You are asking a question for which there is no single answer. Readers?

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